Patterns,
As I read Lewis Howes post on instagram about How Couples Make Their Relationship Last.
His first suggestion spoke about Boundaries and suggested not to vent to family members.
I love the first message about boundaries. When I was married my ex-husband used to vent to his mother and my mother.
He did this hoping they would put pressure on me to see “his way”. Which to him was the only & right way.
Mostly, he wanted me not to interact with other men in any form or fashion. He had serious internal jealousy issues.
He had not healed from his prior marriage where his wife cheated on him.
Just smiling and then ordering food from a kid at Taco Bell was disrespectful; as I smiled at another man…
He tried to make me feel shameful. Of course, within 3 years we went our separate ways.
I pray his heart heals and he is able to find trusting love with another person. I also want that for myself.
My husband’s behavior felt familiar to me and therefore I accepted it, initially.
My father was extremely jealous of my mom and would argue with her all the time.
At one point he hit her across the head and she became deaf in one ear.
My dad followed his father’s pattern:
My dad’s father, my grandfather was extremely jealous of his wife, my grandmother. She told me how he’d sit outside of the grocery store where she worked as a cashier and watch her to make sure she didn’t talk to men.
Dig deep and try to understand why you made this or that decision, or took this/that action. Look for the patterns.
Seek out therapy if needed to break negative ancestral patterns.
Talk with your children so they understand why you did this or that, and maybe regret that action.
Help them learn and grow from your mistake so as not make the same mistake.
Put yourself first! Love You!
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