
Looking back as a very sensitive empath, I recognized that most of my life I tried to be a fixer. I would listen to others’ problems, inwardly feel their anguish, and offer advice or suggest solutions.
If someone was struggling financially, I would buy them something they needed or send them cash.
In some ways, it made my mind feel at ease. However, as I grew older, in my early 50s, a teacher told me that everyone has their own unique path with lessons to be learned. I could possibly be altering their growth and learning.
I pondered… Have my interventions prevented others from stepping into their own power?
For example, when a child mows lawns all summer and buys that shiny red bicycle they’ve been eyeing all year, their efforts make them feel powerful, confident, happy, and proud.
If I had just purchased the bike for the child, would I have robbed them of those feelings and that awesome experience?
Would I have made them feel like they were incapable of achieving it for themselves? Would I be disempowering them?
This totally shifted how I respond to my friends and family. It took strong, conscious awareness and effort to become a focused listener. On occasion, when I did offer advice, I quickly became aware of it and tried to shift back into listener mode.
In my late 50s, I found myself falling back into my old pattern with a dear friend of mine. With an open heart, in an attempt to help, I gave unwanted advice on more than one occasion.
The other person felt deflated and became defensive, saying, “I can do it on my own.” I immediately knew my actions had offended them. If only I had just listened...
Today, I try to initially be present and just listen to others; truly hear what they have to say. Allow my presence to be comforting. If they want advice, they will ask for it.
Most of the time, I just need to energetically support others, allowing them to step into their own power.
Comments